11 August 2003

school kills my shoulders 

I'm back to the tan lockers, painful shoulders, due papers and old crushes and new attractions. I forgot my lock combanation and had to make a trip to the office to that mean looking secratary. So far i like the same guy from last year, and chantal finds me insane. It was anna's birthday today and i got to get her soemthing. Daniela's birthday is coming up, im going to surprise her with a phone call. So far, my classes are nice, more people are talking to me and i seem to be a little less quiet. My speech class is filled with so many guys and i don't talk to any of them except ferni, so im a stranger. Its the only class that i am "alone". Today i only had one textbook and my shoulders ached with my messanger bag (which andrew liked) and i met this german guy infront of me in pre-cal, who happened to like system and told me what the rammstein song titles meant.

and the night wears off
and outlines my eyes with blue shadows
i can't sleep thinking of what can happen.
the night wears off
my energy dormant deep in my lungs
strangling the last of my hope
why did you have to speak to me
when i was about to forget
the night wears off the last drop of tears.
i dangle on a dream im forcing to display
a dream i wish was embeded into this skull-
the kid stares at the clock
thiking only of his solitude
when everything made of atoms passes him by.
like me.

(written RIGHT now)

01 August 2003

a dull afternoon and the weekend to not look foward 

My parents are going to go to the ranch, and since they don't trust me, they are leving me with my grandma. I don't have much to complain but there's nothing to do there and im leaving the sanctuary of my room. I don't have Driver's ed today, but i do tomorrow, in the fucking morning, and i hate waking up early. On saturday im going to a surprise party, something to look foward, but i hope i don't get carried away insane, like i did at vanessa's and pamela's party (both at vanessa's house, maybe the house curses me crazy). I remember Elissa commented that she should take me to a rave. Anyways, i don't think i'll get eva a present cause my parents didn't leave me any money, and that sucks, cause i really want to get her something. I saw her at the block bash thingy, and we all act the same, and it's all so awesome.
I don't know if i'll go with chantal or trina to the mall, i feel like being a mallrat, don't you? Have you seen that movie by the way? It's awesome. Comic books are actually pretty cool, i was reading one of my brother's, i think the only one he owns, spiderman. I felt like a geek that day.
and then this was the weirdest convo ive ever had, or one of them:
Started with Henry the 8th, i turned to the girls behind me to say "yeah he was the one that killed his wives cause he wanted a divorse and he started the anglican church."
This other kid, sitting in front of me, Tom, commented on that and said "yeah that king was a sex addict."
So then that other girl said that king should be castrated. Sounded like a good idea.
Then the talk about castration.
then tom talked about his castrated cats and how they fuck any cat, female or male, when their in heat and all this other shit.
None of us get discusted.
I laugh. We all laugh at how the convo got from constitutianal monarchy to sex addixtiong cats.
ISn't it a beautiful day?

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