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31 July 2003

nothing 

scribbled papers in a bedroom
lost in the dark abyss in a draawer
unactive walls colored with paper
the dream i can't remember.
an open mind winds like a white beach
the sky in the hue of red
the sand disappeared and turned to wooden floors
and a familiar song came into my ears.
glow in the dark smirks await
my head turns to see some strange entering
and there you are on the floor
smiling
looking at me as though you love me.
i woke up to see a failing ceiling
and i laugh at the pain.
i want the ceiling to just crash on me.
the sky burns with morbid statements
as i suffocate in your averted eyes
looking at me as though you never loved me.

27 July 2003

the art of summer? 

Yesterday, i went to the mall, awaiting a usual glimpse of him, maybe a wave, and just being a 4-hour mallrat. I saw Aaron, Tarah, Eva, this kid from art, and J and Esteban. A lot of people i guess, its rad. Awesome how things play out, i got to see local punk bands play some covers and originals, i left at around 6:30 but i had to come back for the rest of the night. So i came with Elissa, who fell in love with the energetic dorky frontman of Division 623. I took my camera of course and told that guy i was from the paper, the photographer, he got pretty excited and believed my obvious lie, then again i don't look 15. Took pictures of the mosh pit, the people swaying to the music and the stage. I ran to get their demos, Eyesore, and i was the first one up there before a mob come in. Someone hit me on my sides, someone stepped on chantal's hand (my sympathies to you) and someone hit J too.
I've always wanted to come to one of these, one was in los fresnos and andrews band was there, i expected them to play in this block bash thing.
Supposedly Im never going to see a concert again.
And i fucking want to go to the Warped Tour. Someone take me away.

LOVE IS BLIND
bleeding in a pool of breathless feelings
a fusion right between my ears
just want to escape
escape

you make me feel
seconds of contact
play as an unfolding lifetime
and the pain between my eyes
lacks the remedy
i want to see you closer
it hurts

a year without a name
being hurts
untitled wishe in my head
you want to see me closer?
hurts

(scream)
want to escape
escape
escape

*song i wrote, i need to write the music to it thou*



22 July 2003

the sun can kill 

I went to Tuxpan in Mexico to see some family and i ended up being quiet most of the time. Which i usually do. it was so hot but i managed, lying on the couches listening to afi and deftones and tiger army and mxpx, listening to what they have to say.
Tuxpan:
- - it is allowed to go to a night club and drink regardless of age. i went to one, but i got bored. the music sucked.
-- you can also jump in the river for a swim stoptaneously
- you don't need to ask for permission for a bonfire
-- you can drive whatever age you want
- and so many people drown

i actually witnessed one. I was with my cousin, Claudia, and her boyfriend, who was awesome and a skater (not so good though). By the side of the river, there was a crowd, so we dicided to stop. You can actually see the body floating on the water. They carried him off after taking pictures, the body grotesquely floating in its death. And i fucking forgot my camera, since i take pictures of anything and everything... my eyes are the camera lenses, what i see i shoot.

I'll write more later.

Unreachable love:
It's like sinking in some depth
underwater
in a gloom dark azure world
waiting to drown
but you don't
you're on the verge of drowning
waiting to drown
but you can't die
and your alive with that feeling of suffocation

7/22-03 (unknown time)

14 July 2003

emo sucks? 

I've been called emo so much now but how can i be "emotional" when it seems i don't feel? Oh wells. Daniela is going to the warped tour and is going to see fucking AFI, which i love. I think Davey Havok writes genious poetic lyrics and its all sweet sadness, like they're drowning in depression or something, but it's great. The "Black Sails in the Sunset" and "The Art of Drowning" are great albums.
I didn't do much today, being Sunday but i wrote a song that sounds so damn goth and hurt, am i like that? Dan i apologizze for calling you a depressing person, im sorry, if you took it in a wrong way.
I still want a vinyl collection.
I want to see Aaron, i miss him so much.
and anna, haven't talk to her in person for a long long time.
I saw my friend Tiffany in the mall the other day, and i think i freaked out Trina cause she was haging out with goths. She's still nice and cheerful.
Johnny Depp is my favorite actor now.
really i have not much to say, im just rambling on random things.

06 July 2003

raw fish is good 

I'm at Houston, currently in Sugarland (which i call land of the sugar) over at my friends house. It's weird how i plainly hurt today: my leg, my stomach, my eye, my neck, my head...why do i still bother to stay up and talk i don't know. Yesterday i went to the chinese markets and it was awesome cause i love my chinese part, and my gradma is so sweet and also against my mom that we had a discussion about her when we were eating bagels yesterday. That was actually the first time ive talked to her that much. i think the deftones are one of the most genious bands in lyric-writing, being twisted, but original. Chi cheng's poem of "the portean of an ant colony" is great. My website, or my domain, had been claimed but i need to publish the site...for future references go to www.boredreverie.4f.com . I've been a hardcore insomniac these past days, some people say its adrenaline, but what should i be excited about? Stephen told me to get checked up for insomnia, but i like to stay up. And the insomnis got me back today so i was tired out of my skull that i yawned every minute and i looked so stoned, that even my mom asked me if i had done drugs that day. She was scared and i think personaly she thinks i do do drugs. /// I'm going to go to the art musuems and to the small bookshops or records, (one which is cactus records, etc.) all which are around the street Richmond and shepard, if you are ever in Houston, go around and look. I'm at my friend's house today, which i am going to stay with for a while, and her parents are the sweetest people. Raw fish is great: Sushi is so great and with all the japanese words i wish aaron was with me since he's trying to pick up japanese. Chantal finally arrived back to Brownsville. I guess Hawaii was a thrill. I haven't heard from anyone else, so it seems like a small invisible world i am on. My mom wasn't going to give me any money to spend for Houston because my cel phone bill was $143 or some shit like that (and i will blame this on Dan, hehe), but really i don't care, i wanted to talk! But she gave my around 200, which i will spend on AFi cds that I've always wanted. She gave my a restriction: no black shirts, which again i mention, my mom thinks i want to be a drug addict goth, which i kind of act like that once in a while. I'm just semi-anti-social. Most of the time i think. Dude this is twisted:

Digital Bath

• Chino wrote this song thinking about a sexual fantasy that he had about luring a girl into a bath and then electrocuting her with an appliance or something then dressing her back up. "It was probably 5 in the morning--we were still up partying--and I just pictured this whole scenario of having this girl, bringing her downstairs and taking a bath and like, out of nowhere, just reaching back and electrocuting--basically throwing some kind of electrical device in the bathtub and then taking her out of the bath and drying her off and putting her clothes back on." - CHINO (thanks to Nat Jeanneret / GhettoRocker316@aol.com)

Well what can i say, an individual's mind it's its own world. Tomorrow, more chinese food, which is great, hopefully i'll go to some artistic places. My friend and i had some awesome discussions. It'll be fun. They wanted me to go to Singapore with them, which i think would be an awesome exprience, but it's too soon, supposedly my operation is still unhealed and my mom said maybe next-year. Maybe i'll learn some chinese, who knows?
"in this world there is nothing but possibilities."

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